Christie, Rubio, Register As Democrats

WHAT???

As the failures and embarrassments of the Trump Presidency continue to fatally fracture the Republican party, more and more high-profile stalwarts find themselves abandoning the sinking ship.

Already, Bush-era Secretary of State Colin Powell has fled the red umbrella, and this week, two more big names have joined the list of aisle-jumpers : former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, a seemingly loyal Trump cheerleader, and Senator Marco Rubio, a Latino of some sort.

You’ve tingled Judge Jeanine’s panocha for the last time, senor!

Christie’s exit is a less palpable shock, given that as time passed and public interviews requiring the portly pol to defend more and more deranged Trumpian actions became jaw-droppingly incomfortable.

His attitude had become one of weary desperation and nervous deflection.

By contrast, Rubio, who had always been a target for the outgoing mentally-ill President’s sharp tongue, radiated a glow of relief while leaving the party that has consistently sidelined him.

“Little Marco” had basically become an overlooked gopher in the Republican tent, at times sent out for Chinese food and Slurpees during Senate sessions.

Republican party Chief of Traitorous Activity, Joe Barron, concedes that some exits were expected after recent events.

“Nobody wants to be associated with the domestic terrorists of January 6th, and it’s not like they’ve disappeared.  Sometimes, these guys can’t help but grow a conscience and jump off the short bus.  Frankly, we can do without any of these simpering nobodies if they’re going to be pussies.  Hell, the meeting room can lose 400 pounds of reinforced flooring just by yanking Christie alone.  And we can just Photoshop Jimmy Smits over someone’s face for pictures if we need a Rubio.”

“I mean, we’re already telling the rubes that THIS is Ben Carson.”

The real question becomes whether or not the crumbling party of psychotic teabaggers and deranged D-students can stem the blood loss before it dies altogether.  Who will be next?

It looks like Covid victims won’t be the only coffin fillers being towed to the exit behind Donald Trump.