The Supreme Court today voted 4-3 to defund the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency, effectively ending all arrests and deportations of undocumented aliens. The surprise vote, split along party lines, only succeeded because Justice Clarence Thomas had fallen asleep while watching reruns of “Leave it to Beaver” and Justice Brett Kavanaugh was too drunk and incoherent to vote, having been found passed out on the couch in his secretary’s office surrounded by an ocean of empty beer cans and adult magazines.
Kavanaugh spokeswoman Stormy Daniels immediately denied the accusation:
“Brett wasn’t drunk. He was simply taking a nap because he’s been so busy being a shill for President Trump. And those magazines? They’re Clarence Thomas’s, not Brett’s.”
Joe Barron, the chief clerk for Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, disagreed:
“We’ve all had it with Brett. He’s either drunk, hung over, or throwing up in the bathroom. He’s a mess. We’re lucky get a half hour of work a day out of him. It’s like he’s reliving his old college days all day, every day. He has literally transformed the Supreme Court into the set of Animal House ever since he got here. He even turned our Christmas party into a toga party.”
Of course, all of this is complete and utter nonsense and made up bullshit, as the non-tater reader will surely have discerned by now. Taters never read beyond the headline. Ever.
As your usual reward for reading this article, click on the cake below for yet another delicious recipe.