While it is still in question whether or not Florida governor Ron DeSantis will order flags across the state to fly at half-mast for the day of the respectful event, it has recently been announced by the family of the late radio broadcaster Rush Limbaugh, that former President Donald Trump will be attending in person to deliver the main eulogy.
Although Trump’s detractors seem to enjoy portraying the morbidly obese senior failed politician as “classless” because of his crass language, disregard for human life and rule of law, and his loud public farting sprees through local shopping malls, the move seems to betray such opinions.
First cousin of the deceased, Joe Barron Limbaugh told local reporters from the Tampa Queeficane that Trump insisted on appearing, despite security concerns brought up by secret service.
“They implied that it’s difficult for them already to be protecting one of the biggest pieces of crap in the country. And protecting him while he’s going to the funeral of yet another disliked human piece of offal makes it a security nightmare. I mean, I’m family? And I’ll say it – Rush was a huge douchebag. And he had douchebag friends and admirers like Trump. The guy invited himself to a funeral. We don’t want to hear his meandering voice blabber in first grade English like a dick. We just want to drop our family’s shame into the dirt and be done in time for NCIS.”
Close friends and insiders say the ex-President has already started work on the eulogy he intends to deliver, and revealed that the first page reads:
“I won the erection, but Rush he dieded,” next to a scribbled figure of what may be a crude vagina.
Still, it’s a respectful gesture, even when it comes from America’s biggest disgrace. Rest in peace, Rush. You won’t be missed by anyone important.