Hillary Clinton is Dead at 73

Hillary Clinton was stumping for Michelle Obama’s newly announced Senate run Saturday night when she collapsed on stage in Baltimore. Paramedics on the scene tried to revive her but they were unsuccessful. According to insiders, Clinton received news her heart just couldn’t take:

“Just before she went out to lead the auditorium in prayer for Michelle Obama, she was told that the investigation into her emails was officially closed, but that a Facebook Q-Anon group was getting close to figuring it all out. She was happy and distraught at the same time. It was simply too much for her.”

So sad. Yes, while the investigation has once again hit a dead-end, there is a rumor that a group that doesn’t require admin approval has found 27,198 emails of the 33,000 that went missing. A group member named Art Tubolls who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity told us:

“The remaining 5,000 emails are rumored to be the ones we actually need to prove what a traitor she is, but we’re not giving up hope. The time has come for us all to hunker down and find out what the real criminals in this country are up to. Now that she’s dead, we can stop trying to destroy her credibility and go to work on destroying her legacy some more.

“After all, she lost in 2016 and she never did get over it. Now we’ll get to paint ‘looser’ on her tombstone and trash her even more.”

The group has truly noble intentions. The emails they uncovered seem to be mostly recipes for hot sauces and pumpkin spice, and 27,102 eCards from Christmas 2009. Why did she delete them? Sadly, we may never know.

The mainstream media isn’t reporting her death yet, so there’s a chance they’re going with a body double in case she’s needed to step in and run for the Democrats again. We’ll keep you updated.

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