Joining the ranks of Nobel prize winners is an amazing honor befitting some of the most prolific and notable visionaries in human history. The prize, named after the inventor of dynamite, Alfred Nobel, is presented in a pristine hall in Norway before an audience of adoring contemporaries. The Nobbel prize, however, is slightly different.
The brainchild of husband and wife rutabega farmers Ferbis and Terffany Nobbel of Cousin Love Hill, Kentucky, the Nobbel prize is awarded once a year to a figure who has, in the words of the award’s official credo, “betterized the world for reg’lar people what quit the second grade ’cause it’s all gay after that.” The Nobbel itself differs from year to year depending on what the neighbors have thrown out.
Ferbis Nobbel explained to the Kentucky Weekly Dysentery why President Donald Trump was nominated to receive this honor :
“We like that he speaks his mind, and he don’t use too many different words. That Kenyan feller before, he always had me and the wife wonderin’ what the he’ll he was talkin’ about with all the dictionary words. Plus, he’s white, so that’s highly popular with us all. I liked when he was on that TV show with that Meatloaf guy. He shoulda made that guy Vice President, you know? They both kinda big. Like fat big, not the upwards way.”
Competing for the award with President Trump are Vladmir Putin, Judge Jeanine Pirro, and a local farmer who grew a pumpkin that closely resembles a woman with oversized breasts praying. Previous recipients have included President George W. Bush, the collected members of rock band “Lyn’rd Skyn’rd”, and “Lillian”, a dairy cow whose owner swore could produce strawberry Quik milk on demand.