26-year old Hector Martinez Del Mamaylucous was working his day job at a Los Angeles Frito Lay factory when he heard the man on the warehouse radio announce the winning numbers for the California lottery. 8, 25, 44, 37, 11, and 4. He told co-workers he suddenly felt as if a bolt of “electricidad” had shot through him. Reaching into his pocket, he found 35 pesos, a tin of spicy sardines – and a lottery ticket he’d bought the night before during a drunken street party sponsored by Corona beer. The numbers matched. Just one problem : Hector does not have “papeles”, a Spanish term loosely translating to : “papers.”
Now, being an illegal alien in most places would naturally make the win null and void, but this is California. Former Governor Jerry Brown wrote into legal statute the ability of “any and all persons residing in the state to have all rights and priveleges thereof.” In other words, California liberals will just be handing this invader the winnings, to the amount of 22.7 million dollars. Experts believe that in Mexico, that is enough to buy 22 million homes and at least 3 herds of donkeys.
Mamaylucous told reporters that he doesn’t even remember buying the ticket and choosing the numbers, but is very pleased with his good fortune. He claims he will use a portion of the money to move his parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, neighbors, Facebook friends, other people also named “Hector”, and the members of his favorite local chapter of MS-13 gang to America.