Cuomo Orders the Arrest of Any Beautician Still Doing Hair in NY

Times are tough, especially for those who have been designated “non-essential” and told they are no longer allowed to work.

Some crafty beauticians have been figuring out ways to still take care of their clients by making old-fashioned house calls. Remember way back when house calls for all kinds of goods and services was a thing? You know, back when America was really great!

Andrew Cuomo of New York is having none of it. He really wants his population dependent on big government, and it shows!

Last night he ordered the arrest of 452 beauticians who were discovered to be making house calls or providing haircuts from their homes, and an additional 153 nail techs who were also dropping in, with their sterile supplies, to give the Karens of NY a quick mani-pedi.

While jails and prisons across the country have been releasing violent offenders for fear they would get sick while incarcerated, this governor is sending hardworking hairdressers to the clink. That’s a liberal for ya.

Sandy Batt, Chairman of Cosmetology Union #07734 says this about the arrests:

“He’s got them on felony charges. Just for doing what they do for a living. We plan to take this all the way to the Supreme Court if we have to. This is not justice!”

It’s said that Cuomo is hyper-focusing on this issue. People close to the governor say that just the sight of scissors close to hair makes him rage.

“He gets red in the face. That one vein in the middle of his forehead pops out. It’s not pretty. I’ve never seen him so angry.”

It sounds as though the pressure is getting to him. Maybe he just needs to get a massage and do a little self-care. Oh, wait…