Confederate Heroes to Be Removed from Georgia’s Stone Mountain

The truth is right in front of you

Confederate heroes Jefferson Davis, Michael “Stonewall” Jackson, and Robert E. Lee are scheduled to be removed from Georgia’s historic Stone Mountain monument in the very near future. Frederick Douglass, Harriet Tubman, and Clara Barton will instead be memorialized on the 800+ foot high cliff face.

Frederick Douglass, who recently celebrated his 202nd birthday with friends at the Springfield Retirement Village, was elated. It seems that he’s being recognized more and more these days.

“Losers don’t get to write their own history. Losers don’t deserve participation trophies. The thing I don’t understand is that Republicans consider themselves to be the ‘Party of Lincoln’ but are now the ones who are whining and crying about their heritage being taken down.

I’m the only person on the planet who was alive back then and the Abraham Lincoln I knew would be absolutely disgusted by today’s Republican party. If he was alive today, he’d be a Democrat. Now where’s my damn cake?”

Confused patriots were seen picketing at Magic Mountain in California to protest the removal of the monument. Once they realized that they were at the wrong place with the word ‘mountain’ in its name, they slowly proceeded across the country to the right location where they joined their slightly less confused but equally misguided brethren to protest.

Embedded with these protesters is an ANTIFA group led by Joe Barron. Their aim will be to blend in with the patriots until they are trusted, then unleash chaos to dispel those protesting the removal of the monument. Fortunately, the brave men and women of the Georgia Police Rangers will stand arm in arm with the patriots protecting our heritage.

May they be more successful than the actual Confederacy was in this endeavor.

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