Trump Credited for Rascal Scooter Company’s Record Profits

"I'm bringing some serious weed brah!"

The Rascal Scooter company announced record profits during the last quarter.

They wisely and correctly praised President Trump for his economic policy that led them to a 666 percent increase in profits over the last quarter.

During the Obama administration, the company was in danger of going out of business because those who consistently displayed contempt for the former President did so from the comfort of their own living room couch while watching Hannity and Tucker Carlson and rarely left their homes.

CEO Joe Barron celebrated this milestone achievement with an increased bonus for himself, a stock buyback for the company, and a round of layoffs.

“Rascal Scooter has long been the official mobility company for the Trump campaign and presidency.  We are grateful for his hateful and racist rhetoric that speaks to the ignorant and gullible masses that still support him for some reason.

The thing that we hear the most from the purchasers of our products is that they need to be able to mobilize to support their Dear Leader.  Owning the libs, election security, Mexicans…stupid things like that.

Due to various medical conditions that will soon go untreated if the Affordable Care Act gets repealed, these people are unable to walk any distance longer than to and from the counter at McDonald’s so they need our product.  Officially, we’re grateful for the big bump in sales caused by Trump’s not so veiled threats of starting a new Civil War if he is not reelected.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some employees to fire and a new yacht to buy.”

Joe Biden would never advocate for a civil war to help the economy.  It is that type of ‘out of the box thinking’ that President Trump has used to boost the United States to be the greatest country in the history of the universe.

Never before in the 400 plus years that the United States has been a country has there been a President so invested in our economy.

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