The People Who Said ‘Hell No’ To Being Joe Biden’s VP

If you think the saga of “Who will Joe Biden for VP” is just what you’ve read online or watched on YouTube, you’re wrong. According to confidential informants inside the Biden campiagn, there has been an entire list of candidates that have told Biden, “Hell no.”

The number one reason they say no is that they don’t want to be the next Tim Cain, Paul Ryan, or Sarah Palin. Or whoever ran with Al Gore. VP losers tend to float into obscurity, and that’s not good for your political career.

The most obvious choices would have been Bernie Sanders, Michelle Obama, or Chelsea Clinton, but all three of them would have probably turned him down if asked.

So who was asked? Our sources say the list of people who told Biden “no” is extensive. It starts with Oprah Winfrey and goes right through the Hollywood Elite. Apparently, Biden thought he could fight Trump’s television success with an actor or actress of his own.

Allysa Milano, Ted Danson, Cheech Marin, and Wille Nelson all said no. While we can’t confirm they were actually asked, our source is quite reliable. We promise.

On the political side, Biden asked a series of RINOs to be his VP and they all said no, too. That list includes John Boehner, John Kasich, Mitt Romney, and Joe Manchin.

Rumor has it that he will now settle for either Kamala Harris or Susan Rice, both of whom have questionable citizenship status, based on reports from YouTube and the recently disbanded Qanon group. Q himself has said that Trump is ready to throw down the gauntlet and bring back the birther movement for Harris and Benghazi for Rice.

As for Democrats, Biden asked former Senator Joe Barron and Secretary of State Sandy Batt, but they both had other plans for the future. “We’ll be haunting Trump until his blackened soul finally gets sucked into the pits of hell,” Barron told senior editor Art Tubolls of the Enochian Times-Herald, “there’s no way we’ll have time to govern.”

Well good luck with that, snowflakes. It won’t matter who Biden picks, as Trump is all but guaranteed a victory in November, either by the election or by circumventing the constitution. That’s great news for America.