Having new people come in to take over at your job is never fun. They’re full of grand new “ideas”, annoying ways to “save money” and “increase productivity”, and it sometimes comes to a head. Now imagine you’re journalist Sean Hannity, the most trusted newsman in America, and a group of liberals just bought your network out from under you. Sparks are going to fly.
Early yesterday afternoon, new head of Fox programming Sanders Batt called a meeting with Hannity in a second-floor conference room to discuss “new directions” that his show would be taking, and the conversation became heated. Department security reported that the two men had come to blows and had to be separated. Private security microphones picked up some of the conversation:
Batt: “If you want to keep your overpaid job, you better clean up your act!”
Hannity: “I’m not going to embarrass myself and suddenly become some snowflake mouthpiece!”
Batt: “You’ll do whatever we tell you to do, you square-headed fat-cheeked motherf*cker!”
Hannity: “F*ck you, f*ckbag! I f*cking quit, you liberal scum!”
Batt: “Have fun pouring Slurpees, you obnoxious c*ckgoblin! We can replace you with Chris Pratt in the blink of an eye!”
(Sounds of scuffling, fighting)
Although it appears that Hannity’s departure is going to be abrupt, it remains to be seen if the network can come to terms with the star by the start of next week. In the meantime, Fox will air a pre-recorded episode of “Hannity” Friday night from 2016, when the pundit simultaneously wet his pants and orgasmed on live television after the election of President Trump.