When 35-year old Helda Coccen-Mihan took a break from shopping at her local Target store in Corky’s Jaw, Mississippi, she never dreamed that she’d exit the ladie’s room with a bun in her oven. Unbelievably, that’s exactly what happened, and now she’s filed suit against the person she feels is responsible for her predicament : former President and Restroom Confuser Barack Hussein Obama.
Helda, who works from her residence selling homemade jewelry made from kitty litter on her internet site, believes that Obama’s “anyone can use any bathroom” policy is what led to her condition :
“Y’all would think y’all’d be safe from the man juices in the women’s bathroom what clearly has a picture of a woman on the damn door. Ain’t but one reason for there to even be anyone a spermin’ in that room, and that reason is because that former usurper of a president telling everyone it’s okay to just use whichever potty they wanna. Well now imma having this poor little toilet baby, and he’s gonna pay for it.”
Coccen-Mihan has filed suit for 35 million dollars to cover medical bills, child support, pain and suffering, and restitution for a selection of maternity mumus. Her legal team at the firm of Crane, Poole, and Scmidt are confident the case will finally send Obama back to the Kenyan poor house from which he came.