Trump Thteatens to Move I.C.E. Refugees To N.F.L.


In another bold political move by America’s most glutinous Commander-In-Chief, President Donald Trump announced yesterday his intention to relocate thousands of refugees in I.C.E. custody  awaiting placement into the ranks of the National Football League.  Predictably, house Democrats responded with outrage, calling the proposal “racist”, like they do with everything when they’re not socialisting public restrooms or aborting eight-year olds.

And why do they like Adrien Brody so much? He looks like a scientist grew a human nose on a pigeon.

Dozens of team owners have lodged complaints with the commission, but one, Mark Davis, who heads Oakland California’s Raiders franchise seems unfazed :

“Frankly, at this point, I don’t see what harm it could do to this team.  We’re getting thrown over to Vegas in a year - we win about as many games as there are men who’ve slept with Sarah Huckabee- I mean, might as well take in some new blood. “

The Raiders were fined by the league in 2015 for unauthorized use of flubber.

The President’s fiercest critic, Nancy Pelosi, took a moment during her appearance as Master of Ceremonies at Bourbonfest 2019 to lash out at the policy :

“Trump is a very sick man.  He’s using these people as political pawns against his personal problems with the NFL.  He’s very easily the dumbest human being I’ve ever encountered.  Were it up to me, I’d float him off on an ice floe, and just forget he existed.”

“…and another thing…lets get some dubstep up in this bitch! Hic.”

White House officials have confirmed the President’s further plans to defeat North Korea by covering the entire rogue nation in Saran wrap, and beating climate change by setting up a battery of air conditioners on the moon, pointed at the earth.


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