In a shocking maneuver that will upset the fabric of the Senate during a particularly tenuous political environment, Utah Senator and former Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has announced that he has ended his affiliation with the Republican party, and will now caucus with the Democrats. Romney is a supporter of the impeachment of President Trump, and some experts see the move as as an attempt to become more influential.
Romney read a brief explanatory statement to a gathered press corp this afternoon :
“The Republican party is no longer what it was. It has been taken over by the teabagging mentally-deficient human toilet bowls that slither behind a President who is very obviously unqualified for office. For every day I stand with them, another hex brings a curse upon my magic Mormon underpants. Therefore, in blessing with Heavenly Father, I am switching my allegience to the Democratic party in order to put a stop to the ruination of this country by the king of morons, Donald Trump, and those festering racist turd salads that follow him. By the sacred plates of Joeseph Smith do I declare this. Thank you.”
Romney immediately skipped off down the street after the announcement to have himself a tall glass of chocolate milk to calm his nerves. He was joined by his five wives and eighteen children and later tied the dog to the top of the station wagon in order to rush home to enjoy an evening in, watching a Little House on the Prarie marathon.
Be the first to comment
You must log in to post a comment.