Mueller Opens Investigation Into First Lady’s Citizenship Status


FBI special investigator Robert Mueller, now finished with his two-year probe into Donald Trump’s involvement with Russian influences has announced that he will begin a thorough legal look at the circumstances of First Lady Melania Trump’s immigration status.  He claims multiple leads have surfaced that may point to illegal tampering with the process by which she acquired her American citizenship as well as possible instances of bribery by her husband.

Brian Kilmeade of “Fox and Friends” has already begun practicing his most constipated faces for a new round of defending the President about stuff he doesn’t understand.

Mueller has indicted Rostoff Maslikbalz, a Moldavian whorehouse owner and shipping magnate, who was close to Mrs. Trump in her home country of Slovenia.  The foreign national fingered the captain of a shipping firm, Yuri’s Beet and Vodka Boats, who has confirmed that he carried the First Lady to America in a vegetable crate, at the behest of Donald Trump, who had chosen her from a catalog.  The investigator has already confirmed her order confirmation number and email receipt.

A found photo of Melania’s family harvesting the ingredients for both borscht and underpants.

Where this investigation could lead further, and what charges might be filed should Mueller find fault or collusion is the subject of hot debate among Washington legal experts.  Whatever the case, it looks like “Mueller Time” just reset the clock for the Trump administration.

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