Kaepernick Was Discharged From Army For Cowardice

Unamerican. Traitor. Punk. Unpatriotic. Coward. These are a few of the names that have been used to describe famous kneeler, Colin Kaepernick. And they’re all apt…in particular the last one, as it turns out.

Years ago, Colin Kaepernick did a stint in the army. He was a “lacklustre soldier that had no heart,” according to one superior. “A threat to go AWOL, so weak is his resolve,” said another.  The latter commander, it seems, held particular insight into his mind.

Cut to Agrabah, Iraq, 2001 - Kaepernick is on patrol, searching for a Jafar base where extremists suspected of looting the Cave of Wonders reside. His platoon begins to take fire, our troops return same. Kaepernick is ordered to travel to a rooftop to take out the aggressors……but he’s nowhere to be found. A search finds him hiding under a carpet inside a nearby household, shaking like a leaf. This event led to Kaepernick’s dishonourable discharge from the military, with a special condemnation attached for “extreme cowardice.”

Both the NFL, and subsequently Nike, were aware of this shame, but hired Kaepernick  anyway. Each also went through great pains - and money - to keep his military record sealed from public eyes. The narrative they allowed the public to see was that they he didn’t even serve. They did a great job of hiding the truth too……until our publication began to dig.

The most rudimentary look into Kaepernick’s childhood had a former  friend leaking information of all types, this being the juiciest of all the gossip. So now the secret is out. Perhaps his life will finally tank now that we know who he really is.