Muslammic Cast As New Captain America

The truth is right in front of you

Reboots of movies adaptations of comic book heroes is common. Spider-Man has gotten the treatment a few times, The Incredible Hulk twice, and Batman more times than can be counted.

Now Captain America is getting its turn. Chris Evans is stepping away from the role he made famous and a new winter soldier is stepping up to fill his shoes.

But, unlike all those other rereleases, this one contains a twist.

Captain America, the heroic symbol of life and liberty in the USA, will be played by Muslammic-American actor, Mathapha K’Plees. A relative unknown, this will be K’Plees’ first motion picture leading role after a career mostly spent in short films about the Caliphate.

A new Superman is also in the works.

Many fans of the comic are understandably upset. They say to have this turbaned hero strays too far from being faithful to their picture books. As one angrily said:

“Blonde hair, blue eyes! That’s Captain America! Stop trying to rewrite history!

A Muslammic? C’mon! They don’t represent America! They’re the enemy. This movie is a big f**k you to our country.

But at least it’s not a chick.”

Comics too are seeing new characters.

Many are calling for a boycott of the film. Others have already made plans to create and watch an edited version, removing all scenes containing the Muslammic Captain, which should leave about 10 minutes of viewing.

In any case, it’s sure to be a box office bomb. Hollywood has lost touch with its uber-nerd fan base and that will likely cost them dearly.

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I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.

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