AOC : ‘Why Reopen Anything? You Can Get It All Online’


During this time of crisis in our country, a great number of people are still confining themselves to their homes out of safety.  Even our lawmakers in the houses of Congress and the Senate are communicating by phone, email, and Skype.  One such representative is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who made it clear earlier in a video chat with Sandra Batt of the New York Queef Daily that she believes it’s for the best for it to stay that way.

“It’s like - people are going to churches and to malls because the greedy owners just need them to come in and throw their money around.  Why can’t they just get what they need off the internet?  Look, the good thing about this disease or fungus or whatever it is, is that it’s forcing everyone to realize and deal with the truth that brick and mortar is dead.  It was before, and it is now.  There isn’t anything you can’t get on the internet now.  Food, clothes, these cute little rainbow Gucci handbags that I found - just let it go.  It’s 2020, boomers, not like, dinosaur land.”

Herman Flump and his dog Toothy, shown here making their way to the last open Bath and Body Works in Minnesota for some moisturizing spritz.

Experts agree that although Cortez’s words at first sound obnoxiously millennial and not well thought out, they may ring with some truth as viral infections and death rates have increased following recent attempts at reopening businesses and throngs of complete morons roaming around not wearing masks or distancing themselves because they’re too childish to respond rationally in an emergency situation.  Some scientists feel that this is Darwin’s Natural Selection laid bare.

A vision of an American morning, 10 years from now.

As it is, reality dictates that you will no doubt never see a movie in a theater again.  Chains like J.C. Penny’s and Bloomingdales are collateral damage the pandemic’s rampage already.  Maybe AOC is the harbinger of a new America after all.  How’s your Wi-Fi?

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