West Coast Democrats Unveil Plan to Secede

In a long telegraphed move, the coastal portions of Washington, Oregon, and California are expected to secede from the United States and will form the Communist States of America.

This shadow movement is being led by Pinko Cactis, who has been a fugitive from justice for attempting a coup with her local nurses union against the George W. Bush Administration in 2011 to try to force un-American ideas such as Medicare for All, tuition free colleges and trade schools, and paid parental leave by use of clever memes, gifs, and internet trolling.

Governors Newson, Brown, and Inslee have been quietly diverting state funds toward Cactis’ group and have agreed to form new states that they will continue to govern called Californistan, Oregonov, and Washingskiy with the new nation’s capital to be in Klamath Falls, Oregonov.

Art Tubolls, local reporter for the Klamath Falls Daily Rag interviewed Cactis who spoke of a country that works for the people and not the top 1 percent of the population.

“The fascist government of the United States of America has worked relentlessly to line the pockets of the rich and the corporations.  It’s a members’ only club.  People die because they cannot afford medical care.  There’s no ability for many people to improve their lives.  When we form the CSA, we will change all of that.  The government will work for the people.  We will provide the ability to receive an education and health care for all of our citizens without having them to join the military industrial complex to get it.”

Tubolls also learned that this soon-to-be fledgling nation has already agreed to a joint defense supplied by China and Russia.  This includes an agreement to convert some military bases into joint Russian and Chinese bases, which will have room for several submarines and ships, aircraft, and several thousand soldiers.

Flights to the cities of Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego, Mos Eisley, and Seattle are expected to be suspended in the near future.  We’re not concerned about that part of the country seceding since we’re undefeated in Civil Wars. The real question is “Do we just want to let them leave?”