Trump To Pardon Lee Harvey Oswald

The truth is right in front of you

In a nod to what he describes as “the patriotic nature of his cause”, President Trump will issue a posthumous pardon to JFK assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald. 

The surprise announcement came as we approach the 60 year anniversary of Kennedy’s death.  President Trump was jubilant as he announced the pardon to a small contingent of press :

“Lee Harvey Oswald did what any true patriot would do.  In the face of tyranny, true Americans are obligated to face it and crush it. Oswald saw the face of evil in Mr. Kennedy…..I will never call him a president! Never! Lee saw evil and knew he had to act for the good of his nation. For all Americans. For America’s future!”

It has long been debated whether what Oswald did was “right”. Now that the top secret JFK papers have been declassified and released by President Trump, the truth is known. JFK was a Soviet agent. 

This can be seen in many of his deeds during his time in office. He expanded Social Security and unemployment benefits, he increased tax rates, and promoted civil rights. But perhaps the most obvious sign of his loyalty to the USSR was his refusal to go to war with Cuba during the missile crisis. Instead, he made a shady back room deal with Premier Kruschev, the leader of our sworn communist enemy. 

So it turns out that Lee Harvey Oswald was a hero. It’s been suggested that not only will he receive a posthumous pardon, but he will also receive a Presidential Medal and a hero‘s funeral. Thank you President Trump!

About Fired Writer 258 Articles
I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.

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