Talladega Joins Daytona and Bristol – Severs Ties With ‘Un-American’ NASCAR

Just one day after the Daytona International Speedway announced its plans to cut all ties to NASCAR, the owners of Bristol Motor Speedway and the Talladega Super Speedway are following suit. According to sources close to the management at both venues, NASCAR is out:

“We are southerners. We are proud of our heritage. There’s no way some rinky-dink organization that doesn’t own our land is going to dictate to us what flags we can and can’t fly.

“Racers at Talladega will not only be encouraged to paint confederate flags on their cars, they’ll also be free from NASCAR’s ever-increasing list of rules. We’re going back to the good ol’ days before restrictor plates and horsepower caps. Drivers will have the choive to wear a helmet or to be able to actually breathe. There will be waivers to sign, but this is America.”

Talladega and Bristol are currently looking into forming their own racing coalition, free from the constraints of organizations like NASCAR. They are also in talks with Formula One to lease the track to them as well as some developers who think the infield would make for perfect monster truck rallies.

One thing is for sure: NASCAR is out. They made a big mistake when they decided to tell a bunch of southerners what to do.

NASCAR spokesman Art Tubolls says they’re not really sure where Talladega and Bristol intend to hold their “cute little races,” since both tracks are technically NASCAR properties:

“Much like their confederate ancerstors, the people making this noise don’t seem to understand that they’re fighting a battle for land already spoken for. It doesn’t matter how many times they scream and cry, they…ummm…signed long-term contracts. They own the campground down the street, which they are more than welcome to cover in traitor flags and loser banners.”

After some research, we concluded that while NASCAR may have iron-clad contracts with Talladega and Bristol, they don’t own racing, and therefore, the people at Talladega, Bristol, and Daytona are free to do whatever they want under the 1st Amendment.

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