Nancy Pelosi Showed Up To The Impeachment Hearings So Drunk She Fell On Her Face

You haven’t seen much of Nancy Pelosi at the impeachment hearings, and that’s for a good reason. According to our sources inside the US Capitol, reporters were warned not to catch Pelosi on camera or “face the consequences.” The reason? She was so drunk she fell on her face.

Most reporters know that Pelosi is drunk most of the time, so they don’t bother trying to capture her at her worst, but this is different. According to fourteen different photographers who had their cameras confiscated, Pelosi’s face was bruised and swollen from the fall. Chief photographer for the Conservative Post, Art Tubolls, told us:

“The Capitol Police instructed us to give them our cameras. They said they take their orders from pelosi’s office, and that no images of her in the secret meetings were allowed. They said it was a matter of national security.”

National security? How is protecting an alcoholic from being publicly humiliated in the national interest? It seems like it would be better for America if the people were able to see the Speaker of the House in her natural state. According to the White House Director of Conspiracy Theories and Propaganda, Guy DeTater, the hiding of Pelosi’s problems costs the people billions of dollars:

“From the added layers of security to the cost of the alcohol itself to the continued use of military planes to hide her drunken travels to the Caymen islands, Pelosi is a detriment to this country.”

While there is no evidence that Pelosi is actually a drunk that drinks and gets drunk, there’s a lot of confirmed speculation and proven rumors. It’s time people stopped being afraid to speak the truth about her.

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