Fed Reports Stock Market Drops Being Orchestrated By Soros and Bloomberg

The Fed is reporting that they have credible intelligence that the current state of affairs at the stock market is being controlled by none other than George Soros and Mike Bloomberg. The two billionaires are apparently pooling their resources to hurt Americans so they can blame it all on Donald Trump.

One Fed officer, who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity, says that there’s nothing anyone can do about it, either:

“These guys are basically throwing their money away to tank the market. Today, they bought stocks so worthless, you couldn’t win them on a penny slot in a Trump casino. Then, they buy them back from each other for less than they paid, and in the end, bankrupt a small company.

“We estimate that thousands of people will lose their jobs because they no longer have a job after these two bought and sold their jobs.”

On top of the buying and selling of junk stocks, the two are also said to be buying up companies that own President Trump’s debts. There are more than 11K od them, so it’s impossible to know which they’re targeting, but all indications say you’ll be able to get a bottle of Trump water — from Nestle — for about 50 cents by morning.

It would take the FDIC at least 2 months to investigate and stop them, if they could even find anything to charge them with. According to Article 14 Section 5 of the US Constitution, there is no limit to who can sell what or for how much. We live in a free-market economy.

The best thing we can do is boycott all Bloomberg and Soros companies, including Country Kitchen Buffet, Howard Johnson’s, and the Shoney’s breakfast buffet. It’s a lot to ask, but we still have Bob Evans, so there’s that.

President Trump says he’s not too worried about it, because the economy tends to work itself out in these situations, so the last thing we want to do is get involved with any kind of government overreach.

That’s one stable genius, patriots. We’re lucky to have him.

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