Dems Quietly Remove Drunk Nancy Pelosi From the House Floor

Nancy Pelosi, who is known to start drinking around 9 AM when she’s in full alcoholic relapse, had to be removed from the House Floor this morning by concerned Democrats — just before noon.

Pelosi has long struggled with her disease and has openly discussed it with her sponsor, Mitch McConnell, present to back her up. But now, it seems, Nancy’s drinking may have come back to get her and snuck into her work life.

According to House Sergent at Arms, Art Tubolls:

“Speaker Pelosi seems disconnected with the session she was supposed to be overseeing. At one point she pulled out little bobbleheads of herself and President Trump, had an argument of incoherent words with nobody and started making ‘pew pew’ sound effects. I called her sponsor, as is the code of the SAA, and he instructed me to seek her party for her removal. She was not happy about it, but she was also in no condition to oversee a session of Congress.”

The Democrats asked the women of the caucus to casually coax Pelosi out of the House Chamber, which they did by offering her a leftover tuna sandwich and a shot of Jaegermeister.

Pelosi is back at Betty Ford DC this afternoon, once again recovering from her disease. At some point, she’s going to have to be held accountable for all the time off she takes on the taxpayer dime.

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