BREAKING: Trump Was In On It All Along

Well, patriots…we’ve been duped. After loyally following some of the most ridiculous shit conceivable, believing all along that our big moment would come, Donald Trump waved and flew off to his private life in Florida to the sounds of “My Way” by Frank Sinatra.

Left behind are millions of followers, willing to sell their souls and shred the constitution so he could “save us from the lying Dems and pedos.”

Well, friends. America’s Last Line of Defense has learned that the shadow government goes far deeper than we ever thought. They used Donald Trump to control us and make us look like violent, ignorant animals with no moral fiber or respect for our fellow man.

We bought his flags and did his bidding. We donated millions and millions to his “stop the steal” lie, which almost ended with a few hundred of the dumbest idiots among us coming a few corridors away from being slaughtered by the Secret Service.

We bought it, and now we have to deal with that. The Republican party can’t be trusted. They turned on us. The Democrats could never be trusted. So…now what? Now, we can’t even trust the guy we put on a pedestal because the libs hated him so badly, no matter how stupid the shit he was spewing sounded even to the lowest of the hanging fruit.

There’s still hope, Patriots. Guam. It’s unlikely they’ll gain statehood anytime soon, so start saving now. Over the next ten years, we’ll make sure the best America has to offer migrates there, then we’ll become our own country and get two senators and an electoral vote, plus we’ll get to elect our own president.

Think to the future patriots. America is over. Trump was a lie. It’s time to go back to your landscaping job where you’d tell folks “I don’t really care about politics.” Because you don’t. You can get all the hate you need at the local dive bar, soon to be covered in truck flags and hope of a future filled with hate again.

At least we tried, patriots.

For what it’s worth, God bless America.

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