Major League Baseball’s season did not start on time this year. Thanks to President Donald Trump, mom, baseball, and apple pie look to be coming up soon, which will cause tens of millions of people to rejoice.
Unfortunately, representatives from that one un-American team in Canada have decided that they are not going to start the season along with everyone else unless they don’t have to travel to the US.
Immediate speculation was that this was just a lame attempt at a money grab for a failing organization in a city that’s never won anything that anyone cares about.
Unfortunately, this couldn’t be further from the truth, as team manager Joe Barron explained:
“We all talked about it. None of us like Trump and we feel badly for our American friends that they don’t have a Trudeau clone in office. He’s soooo dreamy!
Anyway, our starting left fielder Bob McKenzie asked the team if any of them wanted to go to the US to play games, eh. They all told that hoser to take off and that they don’t ever want to play in the US as long as Trump is in office. Can’t argue with that.
They want to play, they gotta come up here. We got the best poutine and back bacon this side of Lake Ontario anyway so who wouldn’t want to come up here to the Great White North, eh?”
Logistics aside, Major League Baseball would sooner remove Toronto’s team ownership, sell them to some jailed social media guy named Bob Smith and move them to Kalispell, Montana rather than give in to their childish demands.
Let’s all let Major League Baseball know that we, the Patriots of the United States of America, won’t stand for some Canadian team acting like they are better than the real teams in our country.
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