Veteran’s Day. It’s a somber occasion, meant to encourage the recognition of those who bravely served in our armed forces. Originally known as “Armistace Day”, it was changed back in 1954 around the same time that future President Donald Trump learned his sense of humor from a local Klansman.
A solemn and humble occasion, it is frequently celebrated with a ceremony at Arlington cemetery in Washington, D.C. with a day of reflection, prayer, and white sales, and who better to lead this year’s deference to the almighty than Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.
Gathered around the small section bearing those lost during the battles of Rolling Green and Sokovia, Pelosi began her pre-written sermon before a large group of veterans and the whores they dragged with them from overseas.
“Men and women, brothers and sisters, Democrats and Republicans alike. We bear witness today to those who actively gave their all for their country and their maker. Veterans. The dashing warrior souls of the United States of America.”
Moments later, the gallon of Mad Dog 2020 that Pelosi had consumed earlier began to kick In, lending some numerous diatribe to her speech.
“Really great job over there in Vietnam too, guys. Super. Definitely top notch work in Korea too. You guys really saved that country a nightmare. Oh wait. You screwed that one up as well. Well, that’s alright. Greatest generation of heroes straight to the cast of ‘Stripes’. Way to f*ckin’ go.”
Madame Speaker ended the day by vomiting noisily on top of the burial site of former Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia and then mime-ing the battle scene from “Aliens.”
It was a wonderful and reflective day. Best of all were the benefits, such as free pancakes at IHOP all day and complimentary drinks and bloomin’ onions at the Outback Steakhouse. Hug a veteran. Save a bullet.