Hillary Hospitalized - Family Prepares for the Worst


It all began with an innocent cell phone app, seventy-two cents in change, a musical calculator, and a pair of children’s style Avengers socks.

“Yeah, nope, let’s go guys. Already see where THIS one is going…”

What happened earlier yesterday morning to former Presidential nominee and first lady Hillary Clinton has been called a “freak” accident.  It’s also been posted into the Guinness Book of World Records.  Follow along, it’s a complicated tale.

Saturday morning, September 11th, as it were, at 9:32 a.m., Hillary Rodham Clinton boarded flight 2112 from Queefertown, Arkansas, bound for her destination, the Legion of Doom’s partially submerged headquarters in Slaughter Swamp, Louisiana.  On the docket was the usual group of dastardly deep state dealings and a long brunch featuring an adrenochrome fountain.

What happened instead : Clinton was seated in her place, attempting to skype the Louisiana Planned Parenthood to ask how things were going.  She was told to stow the device so that it wouldn’t interfere with the plane’s operation.  As she closed the telephone, a flipper, seventy-one cents in spare change fell from her breast pocket and onto the floor.

What happens next is incredible and is told through the eyes of Clinton’s seat-mate, DEA agent Sandra Batt of Joemama, Ohio.

“She was picking up the change and as she did, a little calculator fell out of her other pocket.  One single penny dropped from somewhere…maybe her hair?  Anyway, it hit the “+” button on the calculator and it made a little noise.  And that was it.”

Expert scientists then have the hypothesis that the combination of the zinc in the change and the tone of the calculator, accompanying the space of the plane reached a vibrational frequency, shifting the entire aircraft “out of phase” with our normal reality.  During this shift, a child two seats behind Clinton lost her Avengers socks and they became lodged in the female emailer’s esophagus.

“Oh sweetheart, I am SO used to THAT feeling.”

The Guinness book was a red herring.  Didn’t see that coming, did you?

Anyway, Clinton may die.  You know this drill.  Who knows.  Wah.

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