Bill Gates Buys Twitter, Starts Suspending All Conservative Accounts

cancel culture gone haywire?

Early this morning news broke that Bill Gates has bought a majority stake in Twitter, effectively making him the owner of the company.

Mr. Gates, former CEO of Microsoft and head of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, will take over as CEO of the company and immediately begin implementing his new vision for Twitter.

While this is still a breaking news story, early indications are that Mr. Gates will permanently suspend all accounts belonging to conservatives.

In a hint of what is to come, numerous accounts of popular conservatives have already been suspended effective today, including those of Marjorie Taylor Greene, Sean Hannity, Joe Rogan, both Donald Trump Junior and Eric Trump, as well as Candace Owens.

One of the first accounts to be suspended was that of Marjorie Taylor Greene.

A statement issued by the Gates Foundation details what that new vision will be:

“Bill Gates bought Twitter in part to clean up the cesspool that is conservatism. The radical right has gone full on bat shit crazy. This must be stopped.

From climate denial, conspiracy theories and vaccine disinformation to false claims of election fraud and general douchebaggery, conservatives have lost all rights to freedom of speech that sane people will continue to enjoy.

Conservatives have made their beds, now they can lay in them.”

By all accounts those affected by their suspensions were at the same time furious and heartbroken over the loss of their mouth pieces. Reactions include:

  • Joe Rogan went on a Ivermectin and bleach drinking binge
  • Eric Trump vowed to find his brain so he can fight back
  • Donald Trump Junior, in a fit of rage reminiscent of his father, head butted the wall in the restroom of the local strip club, resulting in a broken nose
  • Candace Owen dropped her nail file in disgust
  • Sean Hannity cried in a My Pillow that he keeps under his desk at Fox News
  • Marjorie Taylor Green blamed it on Jewish space lasers

Time will tell how many more conservatives will get cancelled. Will Potatriots™ stand for this?

About Watt A Plonker 19 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.