Trump-Owned Property In Agrabah Burned To The Ground By Terrorists

A small but significant property in Agrabah has been burned to the ground by terrorists claiming revenge for the killing of Iranian General Soleimani. The compound, used by the Trump family and friends when on vacation in the small Arab nation, wasn’t well known but was chosen to convey a clear message.

The White House is already planning to respond, noting that they are fully aware who funds the Agrabari terror cell and what they can expect next:

“The Sultan himself as well as a man known only as “Jafar” are wholly responsible for this attack. They may not have ordered it or sanctioned it, but they fund the group we’re certain pulled it off. We’re just happy the compound was empty at the time and that only some innocent local people were lost rather than real Americans. That proves that God is on our side in this holy war they’ve waged.”

The group in question is known as al-Salam al Salami Laykum Salam, which loosely translates to “Magic Carpet Brigade,” which analysts say is most likely a play on a Disney movie, something they figure will trigger Americans. As far as Trump is concerned, none of this is funny.

White House Director of Information and Propaganda, Guy DeTater, says the issue will be dealt with swiftly:

“President Trump is already working with his insurance company to see that the compound is rebuilt. He has assured the AmericaN people that they will pay no more than $4 or $5 billion in tax money to assist with the rebuild and expansion to a full-sized Trump Tower.

“That’s how this president operates. Knock down his building, he puts up a better one for little or no cost to him persoanlly. That way he gets to laugh all the way to the bank.”

“Keep at it, Jafar. Your antics will only make him stronger. It won’t be long before you’re wishing for more wishes and being whisked away with Darby O’Gill.”

The embassy in Agrabah is on high alert and all non-essential personnel have been moved to Caledonia.

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