Second Whistleblower Has Proof Trump Sent Putin Nuclear Launch Codes

UH OH!

Washington was stunned this morning when news broke that a second whistleblower within the Trump administration claimed he or she had “irrefutable proof” that President Donald Trump sent the codes to arm and launch America’s nuclear missles, well-guarded secrets of national security, to Vladmir Putin himself.  In a closed-door meeting with an assembly of Congress members and Senators, the anonymous leaker evidently presented damning proof, shocking enough to level even Trump loyalists like South Carolina’s Lindsey Graham:

“I am not yet at liberty to describe the evidence I’ve seen,” Graham told local media, “But I can say, it is direct and urgent cause to impeach this President for treason immediately.”

“Thank GAWD I already had my bikini wax. This is going to be rough.”

Even Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell left the meeting looking paler than usual, remaining silent as he walked past throngs of reporters.  The White House has completely closed the Press Room and is reportedly on security lockdown.

A slight break came only minutes ago when White House interim Press Secretary Betty Brandt made a carefully worded statement :

“President Trump has no recollection of any revealing of State secrets to Mr. Putin at any time.  He does understand your concern and wishes to investigate this matter fully just as soon as he gets some banking matters in order and returns from a trip he’s arranging to take to an undisclosed global location in a non-extradition country.  Thank you.”

“This is fastest plane we send for you comrade. Do not use cup holder, is full of poison.”

In a possibly related story, the President’s legal counsel Rudy Guliani has been missing for several days.

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