China Announces Debut of : ‘终极太空力量 : Ultimate Space Force’


In what appears to be a rebuke of President Donald Trump’s vision of forming an American “Space Force”, the Chinese government announced this morning that phase one of their own creation of an “Ultimate Space Force” is already complete.  Known as the “终极太空力量” or “Zhongji taikong lilang”, initial reports reveal the military force to be far more powerful and advanced than its American counterpart.

“Counterparts” is also the name of a great Rush album except for “Animate”, because it’s just Pearljam’s “Jeremy.”

According to Commander Yu Stin Ki Poo, the force already has an operating fleet of Kung Pao 120 fighter viper-class ships, at least a dozen functioning Gundam battle suits, and three Mechagodzillas.  An announcement was also made explaining “excellent progress” on both a wave-motion gun, and a moon-sized Unicron.

Fortunately, we’ve perfected the Firefly class ship, although it’s already blown it’s gorram buffer panel.

Chinese Minister of Gaijin Ai Bang Mai Kok added that the Ultimate Space Force will cement the country’s absolute domination of space and will be looked upon as a “Shining empire of power” which aims to eventually control the entire universe.  I certainly hope President Trump will step up our game before we all end up being waited on by Wall-E while wearing cymbals on our heads.

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