Seahawks to Kneelers: Come Play For Us!

The Seattle Seahawks have been one of the National Football League’s more successful teams over the past decade, winning one Super Bowl and suffering a heartbreaking loss in another. They have also taken the lead on misguided ways to combat social injustices by openly disrespecting the American flag and the National Anthem.

While teams like the Denver Broncos, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Arizona Cardinals have taken very strong stances against kneeling, the Seahawks have decided to go the opposite route and welcome these ostracized players with open arms.

Kyler Murray is expected to be signed in the next few days and will immediately compete with Russell Wilson for the starting job under center. It sounds like he’ll be a perfect fit for a city full of bad coffee drinking hipster liberals.

Seattle General Manager Art Tubolls was refreshingly open speaking to America’s Last Line of Defense’s Rob McEricson.

“Heck yeah, we want those guys. If it wasn’t for our football team, no one would pay any attention to us. Signing the kneeling players makes us relevant. Our neighbors, the Mariners, just flat stink. So it’s up to us.

We figure that as long as we can keep things interesting then folks will watch, even if it’s rooting for us to lose. The funny thing is that we really don’t lose that often except when we play the Cardinals at home. That’s why our annual home game against them has ratings almost as high as the Super Bowl.

These players are also among the best in their positions and unite with a common bond of protest and play as a cohesive unit, which makes us very tough to beat.”

One way that we can all tell these players that they won’t win is to reelect our great President, Donald Trump. He’ll do everything he in his power to ensure that things remain exactly how they are. He’ll keep America great again!