Trump Offers to Pay for Kyle Rittenhouse’s College Education

President Trump is showing us, once again, what a great man he is by offering to pay Kyle Rittenhouse’s way through the college of his choosing.

Upon hearing the news, Rittenhouse broke down and cried. According to the Rittenhouse family spokesman, Skip Tetheluda, Kyle was speechless:

“He said….and then he cried some more. He was so elated.”

Trump’s offer to pay for Kyle’s schooling isn’t the end of the story, either. How would you like to have President Trump write your kid a letter of recommendation? That’s exactly what he’s doing for Kyle.

Trump Press Secretary, Sandy Batt, says the former president was happy to pitch in and help:

“President Trump is always eager to see his supporters do well. He’s very proud of Kyle. All Mr. Rittenhouse has to do now is renounce his support for BLM and pledge his fealty to Trump, on one knee, for all eternity, and he has it made.”

Man, that kid will know freedom like nobody else. Imagine being able to actually meet and kneel before Trump. What an honor.

Rittenhouse doesn’t know what college he wants to go to, which is okay, since Trump’s spokesman, Walter Joseph, clarified Trump’s offer:

“The offer was to go to a college of Trump’s choosing, not Kyle’s. That kid has expensive tatse. Trump has already prepaid the tuition for Kyle to attend the online course in HVAC at DeVry. The boy had expressed an interest in growing up to be like his favorite journalist, Flagg Eagleton, who happens to also hold that certificate with honor.”

It’s true, Patriots. I’m looking forward to sharing my alma mater with such a great young American. Semper DeVry, Kyle!

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